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Post by Haruka Yasu on Nov 2, 2008 19:48:00 GMT -5
"Not even a suicide does away with himself out of desperation,
he considers the act so long and so deliberately,
that he kills himself with thinking -- one could barely
call it suicide since it is thinking which takes his life.
He does not kill himself with deliberation but rather
kills himself because of deliberation."
________-Søren Kierkegaard, "The Present Age", 1846Haruka sat on the front porch steps, her hands on either side of her temple as she stared off, out into the other world where people lived. It had been two days since Emro made her confront the illusion of Mr. Shermen, her nightmare, and ever since then she had not been able to sleep. She'd just been staring at that damned door, thinking, fearing, that he would come in again.
He was not dead.
Her whole frame shook with terror; the once demonic and frightful girl was now trembling. Untamed just as her imagination, her gray hair swirled around her in the wind. Another storm was kicking up, the dark clouds where gathering. Haruka wondered if she'd be alive to see it rain once more.
So, like some strange promise, she told herself that once the first drop fell on her skin she would then step out of the gates, and be forever gone. The fact frightened her, because, since she believed in reincarnation, would she come back as something worse as punishment? Shaking off the thought, she shuddered again and then stood up, walking slowly towards the gates; as slowly as a bride would for her groom, but then this case, the groom was death.
"I do," Haruka then whispered comically, smirking at herself; but then her lower lip quivered and she shut her violet eyes, fearing more tears, and with that she let her feet guide her blindly towards the gates, the safe haven guaranteeing her a bit of rest---at the very least no more memories. No more chases, no more blood. Just dust, sand, that can be swept away forever, not having a worry in the world.
Thunder erupted far off then died away, but the eruption in Haruka had long past had its chance to calm. All she wanted was to rest forever, and kill this pain that was melting her continuously day after day. Hurting others was no longer enough, right now she had to hurt herself in a way that she had never imagined. She right now she needed to end this all.
Step after step she drew nearer, with no intentions to stop.
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Post by Emro Deucalion and Elspeth on Nov 3, 2008 17:45:33 GMT -5
Emro opened the front door of the mansion. He and Elspeth were searching for more information on the mansion. Like it's history and the building plans. Well, mostly it was just Emro doing the work and Elspeth tagging along. Since Emro could enter minds, he figured it was easy enough to do. Though, Elspeth continued to tell him to stop using his powers.
Two days ago, Emro found himself locked in a battle with a broken psychopath, Haruka. A young, in appearence, girl who hated all men. Emro forced her to confront her fears, thus breaking her mentally. He never regreted doing it, it was his first step in fixing mankind. People need to see their fear. Fear does a lot to people, and fear causes death.
A loud crash of thunder caused Elspeth to jump and clamp onto Emro's hand. Since when did storms affect this place? Well, maybe they still were on Earth. Rain began to drizzle down upon them. Elspeth whined saying that she didn't want to go outside with him. Emro laughed softly and pulled her along with him. The falling rain quickly began wetting their clothing.
Through the veil of falling rain, Emro caught eye of Haruka walking towards the gates. "Not good" Emro muttered under his breath. Did he finally break her? Did having Haruka confront her fear drive her over the age? Maybe it wasn't the best thing to do to a broken person. A feeling of regret washed over him, like a crashing wave. His heart plummeted and a knot formed in his throat. If Haruka walks through those gates, she'll die.
Emro had never witnessed a person walk through those gates. He always thought it was a myth.
"Stay here Elspeth" Emro ordered.
Haruka's thoughts about suicide clouded his head. This wasn't the way. If Emro was going to be a psychologist, he had to get used to people and their thoughts of suicide. Most people would be glad that a psychopathic murderer would be ending their life, but Emro knew he could help her. He could...fix her. His idea of fixing was wiping away their memories.
Emro splashed through forming puddles, quickly reaching Haruka. He quickly tried to snatch her by her wrist, uncaring if she had a knife in her hand and plunged it into his body.
Haruka...please don't pass through those gates...
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Post by Haruka Yasu on Nov 3, 2008 19:33:52 GMT -5
A shiver from his touch shot from the place of contact all the way through her body like an electric bolt, and as she spun around to find its owner, her hair whipping around her like a gray halo, she heard his voice. The iris of her eyes seemed to shrink in horror as she connected it to the one she believed was the reincarnation of Mr. Shermen: Emro Deucalion. She was so shocked she could speak or act, and in doing so last her footing and collapsed into a puddle on the cold hard cement.
She'd left her knife inside, she didn't think she would need it for such a quick task. How could he have found her here? Was he stalking her? Had he been waiting outside her door all night, giving her that feeling of being watched, just for his own sick pleasure? She began to tremble again; perhaps from the cold, perhaps from the wetness, but surely the feeling of terror played a large part. She wore nothing but undergarments and a white blouse, which stuck to her figure due to the rain, much too big for her and going to her mid thigh, but her long, flawless perfect legs were exposed, helping none to the feeling of nakedness that over took her whenever in the presence of Mr. Shermen (or anyone who she thought had the soul of Mr. Shermen).
Her sleep deficient didn't help recover her from her madness, nor his touch on her wrist. She remembered her stolen kisses, her stolen innocence, all causes of Mr. Shermen, and the grip on her wrist felt like a hot iron melting her skin and keeping her down. "Haven't you done enough?" she cried, her tears mingling with the rain dripping down her pale soft cheeks. "Aren't you satisfied? Why can't you just let me be?!" Her voice broke at the last sentence, a sob escaping her. She didn't want to wept anymore, though, and she didn't want to feel; furthermore, she didn't even want to be; rather: she wanted to not. She didn't need empathy, she needed apathy. Numbness. Nonexistence. Death.
She knew that Mr. Shermen only wanted her to stay alive so that he could use her; that was all she was ever good for anyway. He may try to woe her, try to take her in, but she knew the ending that would wait for her---not this dusty death, with no pain or feeling, but a painless never ending life. Oh, life... how it sounds so much more crueler then death. Death is so easy, so simple, always there and ready whenever something happens; but life is ever changing, ever differing to each person, it has feeling, emotion, growth, never rest... never quitting... even in sleep dreams torment her, waking hours even more so. Always watching her back for the next male, always believing that they want to bring her more of this torture; the act makes her restless, how can she not think of death? How can she not wish for a new beginning, a final ending, more hope where Mr. Shermen might not follow?
In the end, though, she knew that he would always follow her. Like right now. She was not crying for sake of regret or sorrow, she was crying that he would not let her go and finish this all.
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Post by Emro Deucalion and Elspeth on Nov 3, 2008 20:05:57 GMT -5
Emro knelt down, face level with her. This continued to believe that Emro was a reincarnation of her late teacher. The teacher who made her this way, the man that broke and plagued her mind. For over two hundred years her teacher haunted her memories, and all Emro wanted to do was help her. But two days ago he had messed with her mind, and she hasn't seemed to forgive him for doing so.
Emro shook his head. "No. I haven't done enough. I want to help you, your mind is a huge burdan on you. You need help, now more than ever. You're trying to kill yourself right now by busting through those gates. It won't solve any of your problems.
I'd like to help you, but you won't give me a chance. You have a few options.
Option 1. Let me remove memories
Option 2. Confront your fear
Option 3. Run right through those gates and end your life
Haruka, I know you aren't a coward, so why would you try and commit suicide? Because you allow yourself to be a victim. You feed off hate and anger, and when I showed you your fear, it all fell to pieces. Then, you tried to place blame to try and rebuild yourself. You made yourself believe I was that teacher of yours with no true reason.
You want to die so bad, because you see no point in living. Your life is falling to pieces, because you believe that nobody cares. Nobody, but your one true enemy."
The water soaked into Emro's jeans, and made them stick to his skin. His hair kept his eyes hidden. Suicide, the one thing Emro never took to in his existance. He believed that turning to something as selfish as that showed your sign of weakness. Even though his town wanted him dead, he never would take his own life, because there was always atleast one person that cared for you. There will always be atleast one person at your funeral.
How would he stop this girl? Her mind was so unstable. If she didn't want his help, then why did he insist on trying to help her. Haruka would be labeled a lost cause in today's society. A killer and mentally unstable person. They would have her locked up. Emro wished that he could enter her mind, and pull the weeds out of her mind, and end this torment, but what would the outcome be?
Somedays, Emro wished he could cleans today's society.
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Post by Haruka Yasu on Nov 3, 2008 20:33:07 GMT -5
Not one person had cared about Haruka; when she was born, she should've been considered lucky, but her father saw that it was unlucky to have a daughter, not a son. He tried to make his wife have one, but in the end they all had died just days of coming out of the womb. Haruka had been the only one to have survived of her mother's many babies, and she was not enough. Her mother wept for ages, and finally died one day since she was starving herself. Her father had gone mad at the death of her mother, talking to himself and talking to his dead wife, and he had gotten locked up for that. Haruka was never enough. They didn't care that she had been born; she had not been a son, she wasn't what they wanted.
And then, when finally some light seemed to shine on her dreary ever restless lonely life, it was came crashing down in a waterfall of hurt, drowning her beneath its pounding waters of heart break and abuse. She was never enough.
"You j-just want to take away my memories so that you can have your way again!" she protested, for it was memories that taught us things, and if she didn't know what he had done before she would surely trust him; but of course, it would all end the same. Without memories, how can she protect herself from it not happening again? What would happen if she went through that again? The scars in her mind would still be there, but forgotten, and surely she would tear much worse then before. She was so very fragile that the lightest tap could break her forever.
"It's cowardliness that keeps some people here, isn't it?" she explained with a shaking voice, "Aren't some people's only reason of staying because of fear? Doesn't it take courage to go into the unknown?" She reached up and wiped her tears away quickly, pushing herself away from him with her bare feet on the cement, scraping them. "I won't let you have me anymore," she whispered through wobbling lips, inching away. "Chase me through those gates but so help me I will kill you again!" she shouted. "Just..." she pleaded softly, looking down as more tears slipped effortless down her face, "...just don't refresh my memory, before I hit the bottom, please. Just let me go in peace. You don't even have to say sorry," he'd never said sorry for all the pain he'd caused her, "it's my fault for being a girl anyway." My fault my mother died, my fault my father went with her, my fault I foolishly trusted him, my fault he took control, my fault all those children are dead, my fault I am a girl...
Taking one more shaking breath, she gathered the energy for the last plunge into the dark abyss of dust that was surely waiting on the other sides of those gates. She slowly scooted away from him, hoping, wishing, that he would listen to her last wish so she could finally killed the monster that he had created:
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Post by Emro Deucalion and Elspeth on Nov 3, 2008 21:07:13 GMT -5
Emro sighed and clenched his fist, causing his fingers to pop. This girl was getting very annoying. He had to do his best to not yell at her, and bring back some harmful memories.
"Haruka, you fool. I am not Shermen in any way, shape or form. I would never take advantage of another person for my own pleasure. "
Emro began to think. In Haruka's mind, he was Shermen. So...what if he said the things to Haruka that Shermen didn't get the chance to. Emro hated playing pretend and make believe, so he prepared for the worst.
"Haruka, I'm sorry for everything I've done to you. And it isn't your fault, some people just don't think before doing things. They care about themselves. People are selfish"
Emro stood up and stared down at the girl, he could feel the fear in her. The fear of him, in a twisted way, he liked the feeling. Emro shook his head and turned his back to her.
"I only wanted to help you, but if you wanna go end your life because of all the false regret you feel. Go ahead. But I don't think you're a monster"
The rain fell down harder, and Elspeth was staring at him. She could hear everything that was going on. The young girl was scared and didn't want to witness someone going through the gates.
Emro shivered lightly in fear that the girl would go ahead and do it. He wanted to go inside and dry off, but he had to help her. Emro had to do everything he could to stop her, but...she didn't want his help. Haruka's mind was set on dieing. So be it.
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Post by Haruka Yasu on Nov 3, 2008 22:23:34 GMT -5
For a moment the rain just poured. Haruka stared at his back, her plush lips gapped in somewhat of a surprise, the water beating down on her wet back and causing her wet hair to stick to her face. She blinked, the water sliding off her lashes and down her cheeks, as she considered his words.
For moment all bias seemed to melt away, and she just saw Emro as Emro. What did he truly stand for? He hated humanity, yet wanted to fix it. He said he was Envy, but of what? He'd started out torturing her, and now he was trying to help her. Why? As she raked her mind of the facts, she realized that it was because even though Emro despised something so passionately, just as she loathes men, he still cares for it; like a mother would a constantly disobedient teenager. What was the difference between her and Emro? He had once said that they were quite the same with their hatred, but that is not true. Although both were discriminated wrongly, Emro didn't choose revenge, and what was the factor that made him choose that? Emro had a good heart, while Haruka... did not.
It is a strange feeling realizing that you are not a good person; for all badness if merely an art of perspective, and while Haruka hated, she did not intentionally hurt people just to hurt them. She hurt them because she believed they deserved it, that they had to feel what it was that she was feeling to understand. But now, as she just turned the tables and instead of saying that it was all Mr. Shermen's fault, as she normally did, and now its all her fault... that was what made her realize what she had become. How she didn't have to be that way---just look at Emro.
Haruka collasped to the ground, her face against the cold pavement, tears running freely down her cheeks. She reached out to him slowly, her fear for him still there, if a bit transformed. The whisper of her past still clung to her soul in remembrance---how can she not help but be scarred?---but this time she was more so afraid that he would say no, that he would reject the monster that she knew she was, and crush this new born hope, so fragile. "Please..." she whispered numbly, so wet and so cold from the outside-in, "please help me."
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Post by Emro Deucalion and Elspeth on Nov 3, 2008 23:04:27 GMT -5
Emro turned his head and smiled "Of course I will. You should know by now, I've been trying to fix you for the past two days. "
He walked over to Haruka, she looked so helpless. Her body thirsty for fixing. The girl's mind was like a broken clock that needed to be repaired. Emro was that clocksmith. The rain probably wasn't going to let up anytime soon. The three of them needed to get inside before one of them got sick. Emro stuck his hand out to help Haruka up.
One thought Haruka had burnt in his mind. What did he truly stand for? What did Emro stand for? He started to think that he stood for a new hope. A new begining for the human race. Or, a gatekeeper of the human mind. The one who can unlock the deepest fears of a person.
How could Emro help her? Emro never thought about how to carry out the fixing process. How could he fix her?
"I'm not sure how to fix your mind other than removing memories. But together I am sure we can figure something out. You have me and Elspeth here to help. But we can talk later. First we need to get out of our wet clothes. Come on. I'm sure I have a sweatshirt in my room you can wear.
All I need is your trust. Your trust that I won't hurt you. You have my word Haruka. I won't hurt you.
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Post by Haruka Yasu on Nov 4, 2008 10:18:37 GMT -5
She looked up at him, her face still slightly confused and afraid; confused of why he wanted to help her, afraid that she was being tricked yet again. A gentle helping hand reaching out, just like before... wouldn't it only be smart to not take it? History is only destined to repeat itself, that is why we must learn from it, but...; she listened to the rest of his speech first, hesitating and trembling.
All I need is your trust. Your trust that I won't hurt you.
Can this mind reader before her really understand the meaning of trust? Had he ever truly leapt from an edge unsurely, no idea of what might be going through the other person's mind? The only person Haruka had ever trusted for an instant was Mr. Shermen, and look where that got her. Wasn't trust foolish? After all, he had said out of the clothes first and then talk later.
You have my word Haruka. I won't hurt you.
Haruka held her breath for a moment, looking down at the ground and watching the rain drops make ripples in the puddles. Expanding, growing, forming odd circular shapes of all kinds. She remembered when she had sat at a window one time, watching the rain drops slip down. By themselves, they were light and didn't fall, but due to cohesion they were drawn to one another, and once united they then slipped downwards, together, but falling all the same.
She'd told herself many times in the past that if she were ever about to go into the same situation again, that she'd cut off the person's hand and laugh, saying she knew their plan; that she wouldn't fall for that rubbish again. But right now, during the act of a deciding, she didn't have her knife and she realized that she wouldn't have used her knife anyway... that in her heart of hearts, she'd wanted this choice, she'd wanted... to be proven wrong.
Tentatively she reached up her pale trembling hand, hesitating for a moment, but then gently pressing it in his. Shivers still shot up her arms and into her soul, her instincts still screamed at her to run and never look back, but as she brought her gaze back up to his to show she wasn't going to trick him---also to search his eyes for any traceable dark humor of any kind---and while she was still unsure, and while she was still afraid...
She just wrapped her fingers around his and held tighter.
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Post by Emro Deucalion and Elspeth on Nov 4, 2008 17:03:28 GMT -5
Emro shook his hair out of his eyes so his mismatch eyes gazed into her's. His eyes were a sign of hope. A new begining. He smiled and heard her thoughts.
"I did trust someone, or shall I say, someones. They were my parents. Not even they wanted to be the parents of a 'demon' or a 'witch.' If mommy and daddy don't love you, who would? But, I continued to do anything to make them happy. No matter what they did, I persisted. They would lock me outside, starve me, beat me, and then finally, they abandoned be at the house. Nobody knows where they went. The town soon developed the story that I used them for some sort of sacrifice."
Emro felt her cold hand against his. Her grip became tighter. He helped her up, and looked over Haruka's drenched clothing. She needed something else to wear. All he had was his sweatshirt, and he decided to unzip it and drape it over her body. Even though it was like putting a wet sponge on her, it was something. Emro was left with his black shirt with a horrifying skull and blue jeans. He looked very much like a pale scarecrow; thin.
Elspeth came running over to them. The young girl looked very much like a drowned animal. She shivered and looked at Emro and Haruka holding hands. "I'm glad you two could be friends. I wish I had some clothes for you Haruka, but I'm too little"
Emro looked to Elspeth. "Yes, I'm going to try and fix Haruka" he then turned his gaze to Haruka. "Haruka, what do you want fixed? Your fears, or your opinions on males. Or even both?"
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Post by Haruka Yasu on Nov 4, 2008 18:32:32 GMT -5
"What year were you born?" asked Haruka quietly, for it sounded like he had been here long before her. Well, she'd been here for two hundred years... but still, that was only the 1800's and from what she could remember there were any witch trails back then... not that she can remember anyway, she wasn't exactly at the highest peak of world knowledge, though.
Friends? she questioned in her mind as Elspeth spoke. What a strange word---and applied to her! Why, Haruka had never really had a friend before. She glanced at Emro to see if he would deny it, but he didn't, making her even more surprised.
The jacket didn't really help her get warmer, but the weight almost felt somewhat like a hug to her; the meaning even better. He'd given up his jacket for her! She was almost to shocked to ask the next question on her mind: "What do you mean exactly... by fixed?" He'd never really been clear about it; she thought maybe he could erase memories, but how can he erase just the fears, or just the opinions? She wanted to know how it worked before she even the slightest bit considered.
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Post by Emro Deucalion and Elspeth on Nov 4, 2008 18:48:37 GMT -5
Emro smiled "I was born in 1990. There are still certain people who believe in witches in demons. They let religion get in the ways of things and let it cloud their minds. Some people just don't take the time to think and it makes me want to vomit. "
Emro shivered a bit. He was pretty cold and his shirt clung to his body. His clothing felt like a second skin to him. They grew very heavy and clung to his body. He started to walk inside, still holding onto her hand. Elspeth walked over to his other side and grabbed his other hand. They began walking back inside the mansion. Back into the prison.
He turned his head to Haruka. "Sorry, it is a term I use. Your mind is clouded with terror, scarred with memories, and it is causing you to be broken. You're afraid to do things. Afraid to open up to people.
I can't exactly remove your fears and opinions, but I can be a guide. Or, I can make you forget things that caused you to be afraid and have those opinions."
Elspeth walked over to the door and opened it for Emro and Haruka.
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Post by Haruka Yasu on Nov 4, 2008 19:53:34 GMT -5
Haruka raised her eyebrows. 1990? Really? How surprising; she'd thought that society had grown better over the time, but it seemed to have only gotten worse.
"Emro," she started tentatively, weirded out by the way it felt to say someone's name kindly without dark humor, "no... I... um...," She struggled briefly for the right words; she wasn't really used to conversation, "Um... no... offense... but, what exactly are you? You can remove memories, and read thoughts, and yet you really aren't anything of the magical realm..? Is it a skill that anyone can learn?" She remembered the ball of ice shot at her by Elspeth when she was in the fight with him.
She was about to ask him more, but then didn't want to ask him too quickly and so bit down on her lip and let it be, afraid she was getting too comfortable; plus she couldn't stop staring at their hands. It still made her want to run, yet some how... it was also... pleasant?
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Post by Emro Deucalion and Elspeth on Nov 4, 2008 20:06:38 GMT -5
Emro stepped inside the mansion, and Elspeth closed the door. Being inside warmed up his cold body. He brushed his dyed hair out of his eyes as he heard her call his name. It was different. Usually she'd call him "monster. Demon. Bastard." The question brought a smile to his face.
"I am like you, human. But during my times here in this mansion I've been given gifts. My telepathy was given to me by a woman, chained to a ceiling. I rescued her, and in turn she gave me the power. My fear manipulation, was given to me by Elspeth here. She told me her story, and I decided to become her master. In return, she gave me half her power.
Haruka, there are normal people with abilities. Some people have thicker stomachs and stronger acids which allow them to eat anything. Some people can sweat different colors, some people are resistant to colds. Then there are those with amazing gifts. Moving things with their minds, controling fire, magnetic. The world is filled with mysteries, and I devoted my life to seek them out. Yet to my dismay, I am trapped in this mansion, so, I get to spent eturnity cracking the mansion's secret.
Not everyone can learn what I have. You have to be given it. How Elspeth shot the ball of ice at you, was from seeking my own fears and tragic memories. The ice was from when my parents locked me out of the house during a snow storm.
If it makes you feel better, you can prod me with questions. Since I know...almost everything about you." Emro looked down at their hands, still holding, it didn't bother him. If Haruka wanted to let go, she would.
Elspeth looked at them and shivered. "Master, can we please go back to the room. I'm freezing" She whined.
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Post by Haruka Yasu on Nov 4, 2008 20:37:46 GMT -5
She was quiet for a moment, thinking and biting her lip, and then like a floodgate opening she fired them out like quick bullets:
"Why do you consider your envious? Are you and Elspeth intimate? Did you ever consider, in your past, to give up your passion and be normal so that people can love you?...Did you parents love you before you got interested in paradoxes? If you had known where it would get you now, would you have done it all again? Why does it matter what makes everything happen? Can't you just accept what is there and leave it be? In the end, don't you think that science is just a big waste in which people then try to mutant mankind and... and take it apart so they know how it's put together, even though it'll just be the same in the end? Were you born with your eyes like that? Do you always hear people's thoughts? Do you think that elements have thought processes as well?"
Whoa. She didn't even know she had that many questions, but she just wanted to keep asking them! Is that his true hair color, is he ever suicidal, what happened to the woman who gave him that power, how does Elspeth have that power, has he found anything on the mansion yet, who the HELL is on first base?!
And then she had to stop her thoughts, least her head explode, and looked around awkwardly, wanting to help lead them to their room so that the angel would not grow cold, but not knowing where the room was exactly.
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